Change the Pattern
I felt fatigue. It was to be expected. The past two days were physically demanding far beyond the norm.
I did a great job of diminishing the stress as much as possible during that time. I was feeling good about how I moved through those two days. Then I noticed a physical symptom.
The more I focussed on it and tried to make it go away the worse things got.
"You never should have done that."
"You knew it would be hard on your body."
The thoughts in my head were growing stronger.
I felt, looked and sounded like I was really sick. I was miserable.
I could feel the trapped energy and it was getting worse. I was drained emotionally and physically.
I tried all my usual tools to open up the flow. Nothing seemed to help.
Fed up I declared, " I am not going to keep doing this!"
"I will not keep hurting myself this way."
"This is not who I am."
"I am not going to make my self miserable any longer."
I decided to do something totally different to get my inner peace back. It was 5:00 AM and I knew the sun would be up soon.
I remembered as a child getting up early to watch the sun rise with my dog. Instead of meditating at home I headed out the door and walked to the river.
It was so early even the birds were not stirring.
As I crossed the bridge over the pond I could hear an animal voice. A muskrat appeared and stared at me, then scurried into the pond.
I positioned myself on the bench facing the river and the mountains.
I watched two birds waking to feed their young.
I focused all my thoughts into the present appreciating the river.
I appreciated everything I could about the beauty of nature.
It was a magnificent sunrise filled with color.
The more I appreciated what I was seeing the better I began to feel.
Finally my energy began to flow again.
In just a few minutes most of the symptoms were gone. I felt lighter and more energized.
I am glad I finally did something more dramatic to stop my old pattern.
I think I'll change up my daily routine more often, especially when I need a bit of an energy boost.